I close my eyes to try an focus on how I feel today, in the hope that some words will surface. The image that immediately springs to mind is of one of those escape artists, bound tight in straight jacket and chains and dangling upside down under the water.
Except the person bound inside the tank is me, and I don’t know how to get out. I see the panic in my eyes as I struggle and scream, but only bubbles escape. The realisation that I have done this to myself only deepens my desperation. No one knows I am here, and no one is coming to help me. I feel the horror of it rising in my chest. I am hopeless.
And this is what my sweet Lord sends me, in the words of the Rend Collective
By grace alone somehow I standWhere even angels fear to treadInvited by redeeming loveBefore the throne of God aboveHe pulls me close with nail-scarred handsInto His everlasting armsWhen condemnation grips my heartAnd satan tempts me to despairI hear the voice that scatters fearThe Great I Am The Lord is hereOh praise the One who fights for meAnd shields my soul eternallyBoldly I approach your throneBlameless now I’m running homeBy your blood I comeWelcomed as your ownInto the arms of majestyBehold the bright and risen SonMore beauty than this world has knownI”m face to face with love HimselfHis perfect spotless righteousnessA thousand years, a thousand tonguesAre not enough to sing His praiseThis is the art of celebrationKnowing were free from condemnationOh praise the One, praise the OneWho made an end to all my sin